Duvet Days

In the UK, often when my friends or their children are having a yucky kind of day, they have a duvet day.  The spend the day cuddled up on the couch, snuggled up in blankets, relaxing and watching movies.

Today I am home with my ten year old.  He has been struggling with a cold for a couple of days now and last night we noticed that he was running a low grade fever.  This morning he woke up with the fever again, along with his sniffles and coughs.

I was not too disappointed about the thought of having a duvet day with him.  Last night was not a good night for sleep.  Last night before bed, our dog Chip managed to get into the food waste bin under the sink. He puked three times last night.  So, poor mommy is tired, the 10 year old is feeling under the weather and Chip still seems to not be feeling so well himself.  Hopefully a duvet day and some meds for those of us that need it and and bland diet for Chip, will set us all feeling better.

One of the Girls

Friendship.  I was never the best at friendships growing up.  A few years ago, I looked back at my 3rd grade teachers comments on my report card about how I needed to learn to be a better friend.  I am not exactly sure what she was referring to, because I don’t remember a lot of my 3rd grade year.  I just remember that I was always looking for a best friend, and that year my best friend was Tiffany.

After 3rd grade my quest for a BFF continued. She found a different BFF, a girl that had moved in over the summer.  Three was a crowd, at least in my estimation so I moved on.  I did not have a particular BFF and so I sort of gave up and really just turned to reading.  The other girls moved into pre-teens and did not like me, and proved it by doing vicious girl things to me.  The boys weren’t impressed with me either, I had glasses, was not a bit athletic and had my nose stuck in a book.  Not interesting.

Then I moved away.  I looked at it as a way to have a brand new start.  I found lots of new friends and it was fantastic.  I still had friendship problems.  I have to admit it, I was jealous of a lot of my friends for one reason or another.  I did have one really good friend, Renee that I confided into and I told her everything.  At the time, it must have been hard for her because I did talk unkindly about some of our other friends and she called me out on it, in a hard way. Instead of talking to me about it, she told them.  It led to a very uncomfortable and tense situation for me.  But, I made my peace with them and chalked it up as a lesson learned.

Then, we moved again, back to where the girls used to torment me.  I had changed and so had they.  We had a lovely peace arrangement for a time.  Then, between my own insecurities and theirs, we went to war.  Those girls and I warred though the rest of my high school career.  It was not a pleasant thing to go through and I definitely acted out at home and in school because of the miserable situation.

I learned many, many valuable lessons in the meantime.  I learned how to be a good friend and I learned how to spot women that treated me like those girls had treated me.  In my adult life, I carry lots of scars from those battles.  When I left high school, I took what I learned and I trusted very few women.

I have had a few close friends here and there, I probably have 3 best friends and 5 really good friends.  They are scattered all over the US (and now in the UK) and we communicate when it becomes important. I call it the rubber band theory. The rubber band between us stretches and stretches until it can go no further.  Then, it snaps and one of us picks up the phone and calls each other. I can go for months without talking to them and then when we talk, it is like we were never apart.

I have watched other groups of women that are good friends with complete envy.  My mother in law and her sisters have a great friendship.  I have always wanted my own group of girl friends, forever.  I have finally found them, here in the UK.  This year I have a momentous birthday coming up, and on a walk with my  one of my friends we discussed the grand possibilities of a girls weekend.  YAY me! I finally have found ‘my’ girls.

At the A&E

Last week we got another look at the British National Health System.  This look was very educational...

My husband had passed a kidney stone right before we moved to the UK.  We knew that he had more in his kidneys and that it would be a matter of time before he would need to pass them.  Two weeks ago, he woke up and it all started.  

Then pain peaked the morning I had to go to Heathrow and get his mother.  We did not have a way to get in touch with her, so I drove to get her and my husband went to the A&E (Accident and Emergency) by himself.

I collected my mother in law and we left right away and headed to the A&E to see Sean.  He had done fairly well on his own and was actually suppose to leave but as we got there, the pain of the renal colic worsened again and he was taken to a different area of the A&E.

The staff medicated him well and for the most part the care was good.  The only thing that they neglected was to give him water to stop him from dehydrated.  They wanted to keep him and do a bladder scan on him, but the bladder scanner was ‘missing’.  It STAYED missing for HOURS!

They eventually admitted him and took him up to the first floor.  The plan was find the missing bladder scanner and perform a scan.  The scanner, seriously did not turn up for hours.  We really wanted to take him home, if they were only going to do pain management, we had medicine at home and things would be ok.  But the staff started making comments like 'refusal of services’.  We had never heard these terms and they sort of freaked us out. It turns out it would have been no big deal to leave in hindsight but at the time we did not know. So, that was one reason he decided to stay.  Another reason was he had a CAT scan in the morning.

With some help from a good friend, 2 of the boys were dropped home.  I picked up the other two later and then headed back to the hospital to take my mother in law and the rest of the kids home.  I had a quick dinner and then headed back to see my husband.

In the meantime, the bladder scanner had been found and he had a scan done.  Things were ok, but the pain was continuing.  He was finally cleared to eat and drink more then clear liquids.  There was a really kind staff member who made him a sandwich.  They had also made him some broth earlier.  Actually the day staff seemed really nice and helpful for them most part as did the A&E staff.  We did notice a few strange things, like the man sitting in the corner, all dressed and ready to go but not discharged....

Then, after I came back, the doctor came to see my husband.  My husband had told him that he did not want morphine for the pain and then the doctor came back and told us that he had ordered it anyway.  I proceeded to share concerns with the doctor about why my husband had turned it down and as we were talking my husband started puking and then decided to take it.  This has become a bigger issue after the fact as first the dr ordered it after my husband has said no.  Second, morphine has actually been shown to make renal colic worse and we knew from past experience that other pain meds worked and worked well.  Plus there are many, many reason one should avoid morphine.

there was a shift change.  Just before the shift change my husband was puking.  He was in a 22 open bed ward, and one of the other patrons a few beds over put on his call light and asked for a bed pan.  The day nurse asked him to wait the 15 minutes for shift change.  In a way, I was glad, but I was also horrified.  The man got up and went himself (good for him!).

As the staff was changing over, call buttons were beeping all over the floor like crazy.  I could hear them and I could hear the staff standing at the desk talking about Facebook.  I sat there as it all unfolded around me and I got more and more concerned.  They were there, chatting about Facebook for at least 15 minutes.

When Sean is sick, we always seem to get a nasty nurse.  This time, unfortunately was not any different.  This time is was the night nurse.  As she made her rounds and dispensed medicines, I grew more and more concerned.  She noticed me and told me that I was going to have to leave, I decided not to talk to her at that point, hoping that I could convince her to let me stay.  But as I watched her interact with other patients, I knew that we were going to have a row.

She told one man off because he let her know that the other gentleman had went to the loo.  After the gentleman got back from the loo, she then proceeded to tell him off because last night he had not wanted a Tylenol when she was doing rounds, he asked for it an hour later.  Not to mention that my husband had been without water again for over an hour.  And I want to leave my husband in your care why?

When she finally got to my husband, she told me I had to leave.  I then recounted everything that I had seen and told her no way.  She then tried to give me long, drawn out excuses on why they would not give the man a bed pan and I told her it didn’t really matter to me.  She offered my husband pain relievers and then in another heated discussion, she hinted that she did not have to give him his medicine.  I promptly stopped any and all discussion (she was attempting yet again to give me pointless excuses on something that I had complained to her about) and I insisted, repeatedly that she give him his medicine.  After more heated discussion in which she threatened to have me escorted out by security, I said that I would leave after his medicine took hold.

I was in tears about leaving my husband that way in such a state of pain. It was one of the hardest things that I have had to do.  But I did, mostly because I had a plan. My friend had helped me move cars around and made a trip to the store to grab a few things for my husband (American Gingerale of all things).  She mentioned to me a key phrase “private hopsital”.  I went home and immediately made phone calls to our private health insurance to figure out what we should do next if he was going to require a longer hospital stay.

Thankfully, my husband was better the next morning.  He went to his scan and then waited for the remainder of the day to be discharged.  It literally took him all day to go through the process and to finally be discharged.

I have taken my concerns and complaints to the NHS site and now my blog.  We definitely learned a lot in the experience and the A&E in Harlow will not be our first choice for care next time.

Was it the worst experience ever?  No.  If it was the only choice I had for treatment, it would have not been ideal, but it is better then no treatment at all.  Next time we have an emergency, we have a plan and we know more about the NHS system.

Expectations

Yes, this post is about expectations.  Sometimes I really hate expectations.  But, let’s face it, we all have them.

Last year was apparently for me to learn about my own expectations on others.  It wasn’t a painful lesson, but an enlightening lesson all the same.  I think that my past has given me an unrealistic view on expectations.  This year, thankfully, I had a helpful realization.

I am apparently a little or a lot type of girl when it comes to expectations.  I either expect a lot out of you or little at all.  As you can see, there is no real balance.  If I were my friends and family, I would probably want to be on the little side, especially since I know that my expectations for those I love are unusually high!

Last year, after a few months of pondering a situation that had bothered me for years, I finally understood what bothered me.  The situation was regarding one of my relationships, and a very important relationship in my life, one with my mother in law.

Pause here please.  I first have to say that I am one of the luckiest daughter in laws on this earth.  My mother in law is a truly wonderful woman and I am blessed with having her in my life.  This post is definitely not an attempt to trash her or say anything bad about her.

That said, this post is about me.  It just happened that when examining a part of our relationship and the things that sometimes complicates life, I happened to figure out something that made a big difference to me in my life.

I figured out that I often place too many, high expectations on the people that I love.  That was definitely a big part of the issue with her.  With time differences and life making it hard to talk with her over the phone, we had a nice little email exchange about it and I rightly apologized.

I then took my new found knowledge and started examining other relationships in my life.  I have to say that my new found knowledge has helped me to look at my other relationships with friends and family and see where I have held higher expectations that I probably should have and then reacted in ways that have led to further harm in the relationship.  I do think that my new found knowledge will help me in the future with those relationships and in the relationships with my children.

So, 2013, here is to keeping it real and of course to personal growth!

New Year’s Eve and Resolutions

We never get out and to crazy things for New Year’s Eve.  Let’s face it, having 4 kids are 4 good reasons why we need to stay home.  So, this year we had a nice quiet night with the kids.  We broke out the new Cluedo (aka Clue) game, my husband was he clear winner.  Then 4 of us played Angry Bird Space aka Trouble.   My 7 year old was the winner of that game and the 9 year old came in second place.

We had the telly on during the last game and we were watching the festivities in London.  The cameras were in Westminster, so at just before midnight Big Ben started to chime.  At midnight the fireworks around the London Eye started and went for a good 15 minutes.  Afterward the crowd sang Auld Land Syne.

I asked everyone what they were resolving to make better for the new year and I received various comments.  My 9 year old wants to stop biting his fingernails, the 14 year old wants to stop biting his lip!  Both very good resolutions.  The rest of my family did not seem to get the resolution bit very well.  My husband now says he is going to be meaner this year, really?

When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, I have to admit that I am not a fan of them.  I think that they are a good idea in principal, but honestly, why wait until New Year’s to make a change to yourself?

That all said, I still do have a few things that I am have trying to work on myself.  Most of what I want to do involves making better choices for myself to make myself a better person.   I am devoted to this resolution every single day of the year.

I am really very lucky, as right now I am living my dream in another country.  In the last few years, I have learned a few things about myself that I have to stop ignoring and face the facts that they just need to be done.  For instance, I need to exercise, almost everyday.  I just feel better.  It is also important for me because I would prefer to start and keep my good habits now at my age instead of starting them later.

I am skeptical about diets mostly because I have watched many that I know struggle with them. While I don’t eat horrendously, I need to start making better choices when it comes to what I eat.  Anything that I do needs to be a lifestyle change.  I need to find the proper balance for my body.  It is becoming more important for me as I age and my metabolism continues to slow down.

My struggle with exercise is always motivation.  Some days are much harder then others, I attribute part of the problem to my ADHD.  I have lethargy that goes with it, and I suffer from vitamin D deficiency.  My other struggle is that in the last few years, I have started to eat for emotional reasons.  Yes, another thing to work on, and it can be a vicious struggle for sure.

I know that we all have our own battles and I wish you the best of luck on what you are trying to change this year as well.  I think that I need to resolve to blog a bit more as well!  

Another Christmas in the UK

We had some interesting news 19 October as we were preparing to leave for our half term trip for Porto Santo.  The gentleman that was hired to replace Sean quit.  Normally in the UK, they give a 4 month notice when they quit.  There are exceptions to that rule, as there was in this case.  He was under his 6 month trial period, so he did not have to give the 4 month notice.  His last day was while we were in Porto Santo.

So, we left wondering what was going to happen.  We figured that this was going to mean an additional extension.  At first, we thought that we would still be returning to the US to celebrate the holidays.....

As soon as our families found out that we were up for an additional extension, we were greeted with a mixture of emotions.  My mother in law was excited for us.  She lived in England as a child and treasures her memories.  She also enjoys that she can connect with shared experiences with my boys.  She understandably wanted us to try and make trip out to see them over the Christmas Holiday when we came back.

My parents, who bare the most burden of us being gone were understandably less excited about an extension.  They take care of our house and cars.  They immediately requested that when we returned home over the holidays that we start selling cars, house etc....

Then, things heated up between me and my cousins.  They have been renting my Grandparents home.  They decided to confer with a lawyer and I received a very nasty from that lawyer regarding an inheritance that they were never granted by my grandparents.

This in turn was complicated by my biological father, who against all advice of me, his friends and other family, went and bought a small motorcycle.  He had a stroke 5 years ago and has been very unsteady on his feet ever since.  He was in an accident riding it home and broke his femur.

For me, the thought of returning to the US with all that to deal with was a freakin’ nightmare.  Sleepless nights started once again and my anxiety was at an all time high.  I started hot yoga (which I am not a fan of) running to deal with all the stress and leaned heavily on my local friends.

My lawyer successfully ended the lease with my cousins and they vacated.  I wish I could say that it was that simple, but, it’s not.  I am still dealing with the theft and destruction that they left in my grandparents home.   But since I am not there to deal with it directly, I have to deal with it though the help of a very kind and thoughtful family member.  We work together the best that we can over the distance and the weather challenges.

We decided in November that we were not going to return home.  I am not sure if my husband and I came to the conclusion together or not.  But as the company drug it’s feet on giving us a firm date on our extension, we realized that if we were going to be going home, it was going to be all on us.  As the time grew later and the tickets more expensive, we decided that we would just spend Christmas here.  I was relieved, I was not sure how I was going to be able to honor everyone’s requests/needs with out having a nervous break down or at least a few shouting matches.

One of my best friends here worried for me, gently asking and reminding me that Christmas was coming and I did not have any gifts bought.  We had planned to just make our Christmas simple when we got back to the US and just buy the boys the new Wii U.  Thankfully, she had some very good suggestions and it so happened that she was making a trip to the US before Christmas!  So, I asked her to import a few things for me!

We made it though Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  We were also lucky enough to talk to my parents and some of my husbands’ family.  It was really nice and really quiet.  Most of all I was able to enjoy it.

I am still dealing with the things that I can over the phone and internet.  As most of you know by now, my car was hit by another driver and it is a ‘write off’.  So, now that I am going to be purchasing another car.... it really seems that things were stacked against us to fly to the US this year.

December, The Month for Music

So, one of the first things that I did when we found out we were staying into December was to purchase some concert tickets!

Happy Birthday to me!  We first went to see Florence and the Machine.  She was excellent and I would definitely recommend!  Our second concert was Mumford & Sons, another good band.  Florence has a huge stage presence.  In direct contrast Mumford & Sons were all about the music.  I would go and see them again and we did try to get tickets to the second performance in London.

I took a total deviation to my normal listening and went to see The Prodigy.  Not being a typical fan, I took time a few days before to acquaint myself with the music.  I was very interested to see them because of the things that they have done for the dance genre, I have to say that it was an awesome performance.  They performed in a smallish venue in London called the O2 Academy.  They rocked the place and Maxim really worked the crowd.  The energy was incredible!

We (my girlfriends and I) spent our time between the balcony and the floor in the venue.  Near the end of the performance, we were back up in the balcony and Keith Flint showed up.  After their performance, we stayed in the VIP lounge and listened to Maxim DJ, it was loud and rocking!

We finally found ourselves back home around 4 in the morning.  It was a loud and late night that was very fun!  I am so glad that I stepped out of my music preferences and was able to see them perform.  It was an awesome experience.