Expectations

Yes, this post is about expectations.  Sometimes I really hate expectations.  But, let’s face it, we all have them.

Last year was apparently for me to learn about my own expectations on others.  It wasn’t a painful lesson, but an enlightening lesson all the same.  I think that my past has given me an unrealistic view on expectations.  This year, thankfully, I had a helpful realization.

I am apparently a little or a lot type of girl when it comes to expectations.  I either expect a lot out of you or little at all.  As you can see, there is no real balance.  If I were my friends and family, I would probably want to be on the little side, especially since I know that my expectations for those I love are unusually high!

Last year, after a few months of pondering a situation that had bothered me for years, I finally understood what bothered me.  The situation was regarding one of my relationships, and a very important relationship in my life, one with my mother in law.

Pause here please.  I first have to say that I am one of the luckiest daughter in laws on this earth.  My mother in law is a truly wonderful woman and I am blessed with having her in my life.  This post is definitely not an attempt to trash her or say anything bad about her.

That said, this post is about me.  It just happened that when examining a part of our relationship and the things that sometimes complicates life, I happened to figure out something that made a big difference to me in my life.

I figured out that I often place too many, high expectations on the people that I love.  That was definitely a big part of the issue with her.  With time differences and life making it hard to talk with her over the phone, we had a nice little email exchange about it and I rightly apologized.

I then took my new found knowledge and started examining other relationships in my life.  I have to say that my new found knowledge has helped me to look at my other relationships with friends and family and see where I have held higher expectations that I probably should have and then reacted in ways that have led to further harm in the relationship.  I do think that my new found knowledge will help me in the future with those relationships and in the relationships with my children.

So, 2013, here is to keeping it real and of course to personal growth!

New Year’s Eve and Resolutions

We never get out and to crazy things for New Year’s Eve.  Let’s face it, having 4 kids are 4 good reasons why we need to stay home.  So, this year we had a nice quiet night with the kids.  We broke out the new Cluedo (aka Clue) game, my husband was he clear winner.  Then 4 of us played Angry Bird Space aka Trouble.   My 7 year old was the winner of that game and the 9 year old came in second place.

We had the telly on during the last game and we were watching the festivities in London.  The cameras were in Westminster, so at just before midnight Big Ben started to chime.  At midnight the fireworks around the London Eye started and went for a good 15 minutes.  Afterward the crowd sang Auld Land Syne.

I asked everyone what they were resolving to make better for the new year and I received various comments.  My 9 year old wants to stop biting his fingernails, the 14 year old wants to stop biting his lip!  Both very good resolutions.  The rest of my family did not seem to get the resolution bit very well.  My husband now says he is going to be meaner this year, really?

When it comes to New Year’s resolutions, I have to admit that I am not a fan of them.  I think that they are a good idea in principal, but honestly, why wait until New Year’s to make a change to yourself?

That all said, I still do have a few things that I am have trying to work on myself.  Most of what I want to do involves making better choices for myself to make myself a better person.   I am devoted to this resolution every single day of the year.

I am really very lucky, as right now I am living my dream in another country.  In the last few years, I have learned a few things about myself that I have to stop ignoring and face the facts that they just need to be done.  For instance, I need to exercise, almost everyday.  I just feel better.  It is also important for me because I would prefer to start and keep my good habits now at my age instead of starting them later.

I am skeptical about diets mostly because I have watched many that I know struggle with them. While I don’t eat horrendously, I need to start making better choices when it comes to what I eat.  Anything that I do needs to be a lifestyle change.  I need to find the proper balance for my body.  It is becoming more important for me as I age and my metabolism continues to slow down.

My struggle with exercise is always motivation.  Some days are much harder then others, I attribute part of the problem to my ADHD.  I have lethargy that goes with it, and I suffer from vitamin D deficiency.  My other struggle is that in the last few years, I have started to eat for emotional reasons.  Yes, another thing to work on, and it can be a vicious struggle for sure.

I know that we all have our own battles and I wish you the best of luck on what you are trying to change this year as well.  I think that I need to resolve to blog a bit more as well!  

Another Christmas in the UK

We had some interesting news 19 October as we were preparing to leave for our half term trip for Porto Santo.  The gentleman that was hired to replace Sean quit.  Normally in the UK, they give a 4 month notice when they quit.  There are exceptions to that rule, as there was in this case.  He was under his 6 month trial period, so he did not have to give the 4 month notice.  His last day was while we were in Porto Santo.

So, we left wondering what was going to happen.  We figured that this was going to mean an additional extension.  At first, we thought that we would still be returning to the US to celebrate the holidays.....

As soon as our families found out that we were up for an additional extension, we were greeted with a mixture of emotions.  My mother in law was excited for us.  She lived in England as a child and treasures her memories.  She also enjoys that she can connect with shared experiences with my boys.  She understandably wanted us to try and make trip out to see them over the Christmas Holiday when we came back.

My parents, who bare the most burden of us being gone were understandably less excited about an extension.  They take care of our house and cars.  They immediately requested that when we returned home over the holidays that we start selling cars, house etc....

Then, things heated up between me and my cousins.  They have been renting my Grandparents home.  They decided to confer with a lawyer and I received a very nasty from that lawyer regarding an inheritance that they were never granted by my grandparents.

This in turn was complicated by my biological father, who against all advice of me, his friends and other family, went and bought a small motorcycle.  He had a stroke 5 years ago and has been very unsteady on his feet ever since.  He was in an accident riding it home and broke his femur.

For me, the thought of returning to the US with all that to deal with was a freakin’ nightmare.  Sleepless nights started once again and my anxiety was at an all time high.  I started hot yoga (which I am not a fan of) running to deal with all the stress and leaned heavily on my local friends.

My lawyer successfully ended the lease with my cousins and they vacated.  I wish I could say that it was that simple, but, it’s not.  I am still dealing with the theft and destruction that they left in my grandparents home.   But since I am not there to deal with it directly, I have to deal with it though the help of a very kind and thoughtful family member.  We work together the best that we can over the distance and the weather challenges.

We decided in November that we were not going to return home.  I am not sure if my husband and I came to the conclusion together or not.  But as the company drug it’s feet on giving us a firm date on our extension, we realized that if we were going to be going home, it was going to be all on us.  As the time grew later and the tickets more expensive, we decided that we would just spend Christmas here.  I was relieved, I was not sure how I was going to be able to honor everyone’s requests/needs with out having a nervous break down or at least a few shouting matches.

One of my best friends here worried for me, gently asking and reminding me that Christmas was coming and I did not have any gifts bought.  We had planned to just make our Christmas simple when we got back to the US and just buy the boys the new Wii U.  Thankfully, she had some very good suggestions and it so happened that she was making a trip to the US before Christmas!  So, I asked her to import a few things for me!

We made it though Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  We were also lucky enough to talk to my parents and some of my husbands’ family.  It was really nice and really quiet.  Most of all I was able to enjoy it.

I am still dealing with the things that I can over the phone and internet.  As most of you know by now, my car was hit by another driver and it is a ‘write off’.  So, now that I am going to be purchasing another car.... it really seems that things were stacked against us to fly to the US this year.

December, The Month for Music

So, one of the first things that I did when we found out we were staying into December was to purchase some concert tickets!

Happy Birthday to me!  We first went to see Florence and the Machine.  She was excellent and I would definitely recommend!  Our second concert was Mumford & Sons, another good band.  Florence has a huge stage presence.  In direct contrast Mumford & Sons were all about the music.  I would go and see them again and we did try to get tickets to the second performance in London.

I took a total deviation to my normal listening and went to see The Prodigy.  Not being a typical fan, I took time a few days before to acquaint myself with the music.  I was very interested to see them because of the things that they have done for the dance genre, I have to say that it was an awesome performance.  They performed in a smallish venue in London called the O2 Academy.  They rocked the place and Maxim really worked the crowd.  The energy was incredible!

We (my girlfriends and I) spent our time between the balcony and the floor in the venue.  Near the end of the performance, we were back up in the balcony and Keith Flint showed up.  After their performance, we stayed in the VIP lounge and listened to Maxim DJ, it was loud and rocking!

We finally found ourselves back home around 4 in the morning.  It was a loud and late night that was very fun!  I am so glad that I stepped out of my music preferences and was able to see them perform.  It was an awesome experience.

Bad Things Come in Threes, Right?

So, after we returned from France, two of my girlfriends and I headed to Bicester for a day of shopping.  It was a lovely day and after they had each taken a child or two of mine, I gratefully bought them lunch.

We had left our cars at the school.  When we got back from shopping, I saw what I suspected.  I had left my keys in the car.  Worse yet, they were in the ignition and yes, my car was dead.  Thankfully, one of the ever so helpful groundsmen grabbed the school's battery charger and charged it for me.  

The next morning on my way into school, I broke my passenger side mirror.  It hit another car's mirror, mine broke, theirs did not...

Then later that week, as i was traveling to the grocery, the white van in front of me kicked up a stone and put a crack in the wind screen.  

All the while I was driving around, I was feeling a growing amount of anxiety.  In my nightmares, I kept hearing the sickening crunch of a car being hit.  Then on top of it with all these things happening, I was definitely a nervous cautious driver.  Around the 10 December, I was one of many that witnessed an accident.  After that, my anxiety calmed down and the crunching noises stopped.

Of course all this is now irrelevant.  Last Friday, 21 December, I was in a car accident.  I was driving down a rather straight run of road when a lady who was trying to cross traffic and turn to go the opposite way down the road hit me.  I tried to stop, but there wasn't any time.  She hit my little Skoda right in the passenger side tire.  The tire was shredded, the axel bent and something under the car was leaking.

Liam was with me, we were on out way to for him to finish his Christmas shopping.  Thankfully we were both fine.  The lady that hit me was in hysterics.  I tried to talk to her as did a helpful passerby to no avail.  So, an ambulance was called along with the police.  My car was in the center of the road and not moveable.  Her car was blocking one lane of traffic.  Two nice gentleman helped direct traffic until the police arrived.  

I had a witness give me her information as she saw the lady hit me.  Soon Sean showed up to get Liam out of the car as I made phone calls and talked to the police.  Accidents are handled differently here.  Police generally do not get involved unless the ambulance is called or they need to be around to direct traffic (which both happened in my case).  

The lady did not end up leaving with the ambulance.  She had family show up.  They managed to get her relatively calm.  Then when she saw Liam get out of the car, she started screaming again.  It was annoying, to say the least.  Especially after we determined that she was not hurt.

I ended up giving my account to the police officer.  One thing that he asked me (that threw me for a loop) was "would I be willing to witness if they persecuted".  I was like "What?"????  I asked them for patience, as I was American (which he knew because of my license), and I asked him to explain.  So, apparently all they wanted to know was that if she had broken any laws and that they had to charge her, would I be willing to come into court and be a witness.  So, I agreed, that yes I would.  In this case, she was not going to be charged anyway.  The police filed a report and the insurance companies are left to figure out the rest.

I had some initial back soreness, but it was gone by the next morning.  The insurance company has been really consistent in calling to make sure that Liam is ok.  He had on a very thick fleece gap sweatshirt that protected him from the seatbelt.  He was also relaxed when it happened as I did not warn him of the impending accident.

I was informed yesterday, that my Skoda aka the Tincan is a erote off.  Meaning that the damage is greater then the worth of the car.  I am not waiting for my ‘hire car’ to come though.  I have also started looking for a new car.  I am still waiting on a settlement offer.  I have to admit that I am not looking forward to going through this process.  As it happens, this does not come at good time in life.  But then again, I have never known a car accident to happen at a ‘good’ time!

Thankful

Many of my friends use their status' on Facebook during the month of November to say what they are thankful for in their lives.  I don't generally participate.  I do really enjoy reading what my friends are thankful for in their lives, don't get me wrong.  In the past few years, lots of things have changed for me and my list of things to be thankful for has become short and simple.

My list is as follows:

I am thankful for my husband.  He supports me more then anyone on this earth.  He also keeps me grounded when my dreams sometime want to carry me away.  He also has helped me live one of my dreams by bringing me here to live in England.  He is the love of my life and I am very thankful for all that we have together.

I am thankful for my oldest son.  He has taught me a lot in his 16 years.  He has given me many chances to make and fix my mistakes as I have grown into my role as his mother.  He has helped me develop patience, something that I have not always had a lot of.

I am thankful for my second oldest son, he has always been more in tune to people's feelings and I have always found his hugs, even though they came less often then my other sons', very comforting.  I am also thankful that he can trust me enough to talk to me about his problems.

I am thankful for my third son because he is a little sunshine.  He is the most optimistic person in my house and it shows.  He is always adored by all of his teachers.

I am thankful for my youngest son.  My youngest is the baby and it shows with his temper and tantrums, which makes me laugh.  My youngest is a very hard worker in school.  He always comes right home and starts on his homework, he is eager to get it done so he can have his free time.

I am also thankful for the opportunity to live in another country.  I know that for my kids, it has not always been easy.  I keep telling them that someday, they will thank me.  I know that they don't believe me when I say it, but I have seen so much personal growth from them all.

This move has also taught me that my children really benefit from going to a smaller school where they can get individual attention.  I am grateful for the opportunity to send my children to a smaller school.  My oldest two were really lost in the schools back in Indiana.  The teachers were so busy with all their students that they were never able to give my sons the extra attention that they really needed.  I am so grateful that they have had the opportunity to realize that they are all very smart, which is something that my older two have struggled with in the US.

Lastly I am thankful for my old and new friends and family that have supported us though this temporary move.  It has been such a wonderful experience that I would definitely do it again.

Thanksgiving and Turning 16

When we told our kids that we were being extended though to December, my 15 year old had a lot of disappointment.  This year his 16th birthday fell on Thanksgiving Day.  He was greatly looking forward to having the two days off, having the big feast and family get together at my Mom and Dad's house, starting driving school when we returned in October and getting his license (probably provisional).

My husband and I felt a little bad about it and we tossed around not sending the kids to school and celebrating.  My husband even had talked about leaving work early <gasp>.  Honestly, Thanksgiving is not one of my favorite holidays.  It is just an excuse to eat a lot of food and watch American football.  I sometime think that the meaning of the holiday has been lost on most Americans.  I do think that my children are a small exception, only because at the beginning of November we watch the two Charlie Brown specials that are associated with the holiday.  The special in particular that I am talking about is called "This is America Charlie Brown, The Mayflower Voyages".

I finally relented and told the kids that they could stay home from school, totally expecting cheers of joy and exclamations of what great parents we were.  The youngest three were happy to have the opportunity to stay home even when I told them they had to help me cook.  The 15 year old?  Well, he was not happy.  I was confused and a little mad.  It turns out that he had not really wanted to be home since we weren't in the US and he had triple DT(Design Technology) that afternoon that he felt he could not miss because he has a big project going on.  So, we made a compromise, I would take him and the 9 year old into school at 2:15.  The 9 year old had cookery club after school that he did not want to miss.  I dropped them off as planned and then headed home to finish up cooking, wrap presents and make cake.

I have been in denial about having a son that is turning 16.  I am not ready to be the parent of a child that age.  I swear that it seems just like yesterday that I brought him home in his car seat.  At least while I am here, I can pretend for a little while longer that he is still 'little' my kid, even if he is taller then me now!  In the US, this is a big birthday year that includes some freedoms.  He reminded me in the car before the presidential election that when the next presidential election rolls around he and his 14 year old younger brother will both be able to vote in the next election, oh my!

I have to admit that I am glad that we are still in the United Kingdom where I don't have to deal with all that reality yet.  In the United Kingdom, they apply for their permit 3 months before they turn 17.  So, being here is putting driving aspirations off for now.

Sean grabbed the two kids who went to school and came home with his contribution to dinner, rolls.  The picture above was taken just before he opened his presents.

Here is the birthday boy with his brothers.  As you can see, turning 16 still can be cool, even if you aren't driving.  Head phones and cool sunglasses do help!

I am not sure that we did not give him the birthday that he had wanted, but I do hope that it was still a good birthday to remember.  I love my oldest son dearly.  He is silly, fun loving and he has gained a lot of new confidence while we have lived in the UK.  He has also gained many things that he probably would not have in the US school that he was attending.  This Thanksgiving, I was very grateful for the opportunity to take our kids to live overseas and I was grateful for what he has learned about others and most importantly about himself.